Ryan Seacrest before and after

http://www.11points.com/Music/11_Yearbook_Photos_That_Musicians_Wish_We%27d_Never_Seen

Emily continues to collect evidence that she’s not the only person who lives life to the extreme…and sometimes gets in trouble for it.

I am the same way, I admit it!   I know!

But, see, you can’t blame me, because look at my family!  Nevermind that there is a whole post  on THIS VERY SITE dedicated to explaining the origin and purpose of the Fashionably Late Bloomers!  But even if that was missed, try  actually READING our blogs!  I’d like to believe that they are somewhat self-explanatory.  But, like I mentioned above, if my family can’t go to the site and understand the purpose IMMEDIATELY, they throw up their hands and inform me that they “don’t understand”!

Thus! (Friends who are not fortunate enough to share my DNA, please excuse me for one minute!)

To any member of my family:
WE (Emily*, Palm*, and I)  ARE TRYING TO DO SOME SELF-EXPLORATION IN AREAS OF OUR LIVES THAT HAVE BEEN SOMEHOW,  THUS FAR, NEGLECTED.

FOR ME, THIS WOULD BE THOSE THREE MARRIAGES AND DIVORCES YOU GUYS LOVE TO RAZ ME ABOUT!!

WE ARE ALSO TRYING TO BE A LITTLE BIT FUNNY AND APPEAL TO OTHERS THAT MAY BE STRUGGLING IN SIMILAR WAYS!

* Emily and Palm are my long-time, close friends that you have met MANY, MANY times!  Emily was my roommate in college, and Palm and I met several years ago through Emily because Emily and Palm worked at Princeton Review together.  NO! I never worked at Princeton Review!  Emily did!  This is where she met Palm and introduced her to me!  Yes!  I already knew Emily from college! Yes, this is BEFORE she met Palm. And no, they do not still work at the Princeton Review!  I don’t know when they stopped working there; all I know is that is where they met  one another several years ago…

OK!

If more explanation is needed, and  I suspect that it will be, please call me.   I’ll be happy to explain it to you 800 more times.

In the meantime, I think  knowledge about  my family and this aspect of my personality (which may be somewhat genetic) can shed some light on my relationship deficiencies- whatever they are!
Huh…

P.S. I’m pissed that this blog thing doesn’t have spellcheck…

“Get your own…and you will feel so empowered”.  A stranger once told me that while I was at a bar.  And by stranger, I mean the doorman.  Yes, the doorman told me to “get my own”.

At the time, I didn’t understand what he was saying to me.  Even though I didn’t “talk long story” (a lovely nickname my bloomer friends gave me b/c I’m REALLY concise & brief…not) with him, he sensed a void in my life.  I, on the other hand, was blissfully happy.  I was pleasantly satisfied with my life.  I was happy just going to my job for paycheck after paycheck.  I enjoyed laying out on the beach on the weekends, without a care in the world.  I didn’t give my “future life” .2 seconds of a thought!  I was too busy daydreaming about vacations.

After an extensive discussion with Em and Jen, I realized the doorman was correct.  I was displaying behavior not becoming of an independent woman.  The ensuing candid conversations resulted in my “a-ha” moment!  I freaked out!  I couldn’t believe I had missed the boat on my career!   I was living on fantasy island!!  NO WONDER I was always broke!  Why didn’t I take control of my life?  It’s my life…why was I letting someone else take the wheel?  I NEVER GOT THE MEMO!  OMG!

Fast forward to 3 months later (the details will unfold in a future blog post).  Although I’m not yet on a boat (see below), I am truly ready to embark upon my path to professional success.

   Yes, friends, you read that correctly: THREE! TRES! TROIS!

SHIT!

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN???

I mean I KNOW how it happened…

…but really HOW did this happen?

Like Em, I struggle with my own relationship and commitment issues. Unlike Em, marriage hasn’t really been something I’ve avoided.   Unfortunately, neither has divorce court. But  I really do think I’ve managed to avoid certain aspects of life by getting married.  Sounds like a stretch, huh?    Some people might opt to spend time in a Tibetan monastery or join the Peace Corps or disappear for a few years at a Club Med resort.  What kind of funky chicken gets married to avoid aspects of his/her life?

Hi, my name is Jen, and I am a run-away bride/wife…

And, what, you might ask, was I avoiding?  Truth is, I don’t know.  The loneliness and rejection of the dating scene?  Intimacy?  Buying my own kitchen appliances?   

I mean, seriously, what do you do when you look back at your life at age 37 and in the relationship category, all you have to show is three wedding albums and three divorce decrees – the last two of which stated that I owed  Mr. Angry X-hubbies a LOT of money?

It is definitely time for me to do some soul searching!

But, where do I begin?

I have no idea, but it is time to figure this out!

P.S. How glad are you that you’re not me?

Em

My ex-boyfriend, “C” who is 12 years my junior just moved back to the east coast to live out his lifelong dream: to start a family and live happily ever after in the same house he grew up in.  When he initially shared this dream with me, I found it unpalatable and restrictive. His current girlfriend finds it quaint and lovely – and leaped at the opportunity to leave behind the sunny and carefree Southern California beach lifestyle that I adore.

I railed to Jen and Palm, “are these people insane?”  And, yet, I know that society views me as the off-balance loon because I’ve repeatedly forsaken the sacred 3-step progression:

(1) Committed relationships—–> (2) Marriage —–> (3) Having a family

I had massive trouble just getting to step 1.  In my twenties, I was a “serial girlfriend”, finding myself in one committed relationship after another, then restlessly asking my boyfriends after about a year, “tell me again…why is it that we decided to stop dating other people?”

Embracing step 1 didn’t happen until I was 32.   “T” was 11 years younger than I.  Through quietly and ethically leading by example,  he was able to impress upon me that if you feel the need to stray from the relationship, either it’s not a good, healthy relationship or you’re not a good, healthy person.  In fact, you might even be an insensitive jackass (which, it turns out, I was).  This quietly ethical leader later drunkenly stumbled into my walk-in closet and relieved his bladder after mistaking it for the toilet, but that’s a story for another time…

Since then, I’m happy to report that I’ve gotten very good at mastering the committed relationship, even co-habitating with “C” for nearly 2 years.  So now, my late bloomer journey continues as I strive to figure out if I’m interested in building a bridge that connects step 1 to step 2.

And if I do want to build this bridge…exactly how do I do it?

You can still bloom even when the buds, sharonas & weeds try to drag you down...

Bud:  Someone who is not ready to bloom.  In other words, there’s zero activity happenin’ in the bloomarena.  There are multiple reasons for bloomarena inactivity:

• Complete unawareness that ineffectiveness or unhappiness might be tied to a specific bloomarena;
• Total resistance to even minor discussions about exploring the bloomarena;
• Inability to move past unjustifiable disdain for anything associated with the bloomarena.

“How many times has he said he’s unhappy because he hasn’t made many friends since moving here, then as soon as an opportunity arises to go out and be social, he snaps at you, saying that he doesn’t have time, as he sits on his butt and hosts a one-man pity party?  Move on, girlfriend, he’s nothing but a bud.”

Sharona:  Someone who expresses a desire to bloom, but continues to encounter nothing but weeds and infertile soil.  Such behavior is frequently characterized by:

• Talking the talk, but balking at walking the walk;
• Continuing to surround oneself with naysayers as well as other Sharonas and Buds;
• Draining the energy of those who try to help by continuing to come up with reasons that something won’t work.

“Times are tough for everyone, but the cycle of whining about how unfair it is, then concluding, ‘I’ve got to put myself on a budget’ then charging something from La Perla on your maxed-out credit card makes you a total sharona.”

Weed:  An obstacle that (seemingly) impedes blooming.  Those in full-bloom recognize that weeds are almost always temporary setbacks that we can minimize, break down, or go around in order to continue blooming.

“Everytime I try to go to the gym, my co-workers persuade me to grab a drink after work.  Happy hour is a major weed blocking my fitness goals b/c once I start drinking, the last thing I want to do is work out.”

Dandelion: A very distracting and often seductive obstacle that represents our most difficult-to-overcome weed.

“I’ve been so lonely after my breakup. I really do want to get out there and meet people, but my cat gets very depressed when I’m not home and, well, my precious little Dandelion is everything to me.”

Wilt: A late bloomer’s disheartened response to tapping into infertile soil, being surrounded by too many buds or sharonas or feeling overwhelmed by weeds. It’s important to recognize that bloomers can recover from this condition, but without rapid intervention by the garden or someone in full-bloom, wilting can lead to dying on the vine.

Dying on the Vine: A tragic state of permanent bloomus interruptus.  Game over.

By popular demand, here is a glossary of various things associated with the process of Fashionably Late Blooming:

Late Bloomer: Someone who, for a variety of reasons, is exploring or establishing proficiency in a bloomarena that many of his/her peers have long since explored.

“My boss is 51 years old and has just returned to college to finish his degree. He looks around the classroom at all the 19 and 20-year olds and wonders why he’s such a late bloomer.”

Fashionably Late Bloomers:  Late bloomers who openly acknowledge stunted growth in a specific bloomarena, then invite others to live vicariously through them as they publicly chronicle their triumphs and setbacks in trying to achieve proficiency in the bloomarena.  Hopefully, this serves to inspire those who might be too embarrassed to come forward and admit that they, too,  are late bloomers.

BloomArena:  An activity, skill, talent, achievement, habit, discipline, or  state of being that someone wishes to develop facility with and possibly master.  There are distinctions between a bloomarena and an area in which someone merely wishes to develop proficiency:

• A bloomarena initially provokes a strong reaction in a late bloomer, such as resistance, condescension, de-valuing or outright dismissal. Verbal responses can include “what a waste of time” or “only an idiot sees any value in that.”
• A bloomarena often invokes a deep emotion in a late bloomer, such as resentment, inferiority, jealousy, or fear.
• Trusted friends and allies agree that proficiency in a bloomarena might produce one or more of the following results for a late bloomer:  increased effectiveness in various areas,  greater awareness, an improved outlook, decreased anxiety, greater happiness.

Seedling:  Someone in the earliest stage of exploration or growth. This person has recently become aware that others have moved far beyond her/him in a bloomarena and is wondering if s/he is a late bloomer.

“Your co-worker just got the memo that he’s now required to submit all requests electronically…and this seedling wants to know when the heck everyone else got computer skills training because he sure didn’t.”

Blossom: Someone who has moved past the awareness stage and is now expressing curiosity about a specific bloomarena.

“Em sure got to the blossom stage fast; she actually RSVPd to the baby shower instead of pretending she never received the invitation.”

In-bloom:  Someone who has translated curiosity into active exploration of blooming. This person has met with a few successes along the way and is finding it easier and easier to dedicate him/herself to learning and developing in the bloomarena of choice.

“Not only is Jen on Twitter now,  she used hashtags in her tweet from this morning!  She’s definitely in-bloom.”

When you're in Full Bloom, you're at your very best

Full-bloom:  Someone who is now serving as an example to seedlings and blossoms .  People in full bloom tend to operate so effectively in their bloomarenas that they come across as naturals.

“Palm is in full-bloom and started her own advice blog for 20-somethings confused about their career paths.”

Natural:  Someone who is so comfortable in a certain realm or so good at a certain skill or talent that it appears innate rather than learned.  Naturals usually inspire awe and fascination.  However, naturals can also provoke feelings of inadequacy, envy, or superiority.  People who experience one of these latter feelings will sometimes find that they’ve discovered their bloomarena.

“Susan and David make it look easy AND fun to balance marriage and family. It’s hard to not hate them because what seems so elusive and confusing to me appears to be a given for naturals like them.”

In the Greenhouse:  A period during which someone is blooming very quickly.  This usually represents openness to new ideas and rapid absorption and application of newly developed skills.

Fertile Soil:  The networks, resources, and support systems late bloomers put into place so that blooming is continuous regardless of what weeds might come across our paths.

“I’ll never move to L.A. to pursue my dream until I stop hanging out with friends from high school who still believe that anything outside our small town is dangerous, threatening, and weird.  I’ve gotta cultivate some fertile soil so I can prepare to get outta here.”

Garden: A community of  bloomers.  A garden can be virtual (e.g. an on-line community) or tangible (e.g. a group of close friends). Ideally, a garden serves as a network that provides support, encouragement, new information, and opportunities for continued blooming.

“Whenever I feel like giving up, I run things by my garden. They always come up with far more reasons to bloom than to wilt.”

You'll grow faster and stronger if you're in a healthy garden with fertile soil.

Em

So, for the first time in my life, I’m forcing myself to think about whether or not I am the marrying type.

Just reading that sentence makes my shoulders tense up and I can feel the resistance welling up in me.  So let me put that in more user-friendly terms:

I’m creating a space for myself to be more open to images, ideas, and visions of what married life might look like for me.

Breathe…aah…much better.

And what a day to muse upon marriage, given the California Supreme Court’s decision to uphold Proposition 8, which bans same-sex marriage:

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/behind-the-numbers/2009/05/gay_marriage_ban_stands_amid_s.html?sid=ST2009052601594

I have single gay friends who know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that they want to be married one day. And yet, the law will now prevent them from achieving this goal.

Yet, I, by mere virtue of my sexual orientation can up and marry whomever I choose…as long as HE is male and of legal age.  How is that fair? It makes no sense whatsoever.  Perhaps a more reasonable requirement for who marries would include measures of sanity, stability, and compatibility rather than sexual orientation.  Ditto for procreation…but change ‘compatibility’ to ‘capability.’

Yes, let's talk about sex and the male biological clock...

And here’s some interesting news:

http://amfix.blogs.cnn.com/2009/05/25/men-have-a-biological-clock/

Evidently, that ticking noise you hear isn’t coming from me…

Who cares when you bloom, as long as you're glorious when you finally do bloom

In our first post, we made the bold statement:

Late bloomers are frequently the most dynamic and most impressive individuals among us.

Don’t believe us?  Here’s a partial list of Late Bloomers:

• Pulitzer Prize-winning author Toni Morrison’s first novel, The Bluest Eye, was published when she was 39.

• James Michener’s first book was published when he was 40.

• Stan Lee was in his early 40s when he created Spider Man

• Edith Wharton’s first novel was published when she was 43.

• Julia Child’s first book, the bestselling cookbook  Mastering the Art of French Cooking, was published when she was 49.

• Robert Frost’s anthologized poems were written after the age of 50.

• Alfred Hitchcock made “Dial M for Murder,” “Rear Window,” “To Catch a Thief,” “The Trouble with Harry,” “Vertigo,” “North by Northwest,” and “Psycho”—one of the greatest runs by a director in history—between his 54t and 61st birthdays.

• Daniel Defoe wrote “Robinson Crusoe” at 58.

• Laura Ingalls Wilder’sfirst book, Little House in the Big Woods came out when she was 65.  It was the first of her 8-volume Little House series.

• Grandma Moses (nee Anna Mary Robertson) started painting in her 70’s.

• Architect Oscar Niemeyer received the highest honor in his field, the Pritzker Prize, just after he turned 80.

• The legendary Fred Astaire received the following comments after one of his first screen tests: “Can’t sing. Can’t act. Balding. Can dance a little.”

Who’s missing from this list?  Feel free to add to the list in your comments!